Everything happens for a reason. I Guess

Kmt!!! Argggg! It's always me, It's always fucking mee!!. I never get what i want but i guess everything happens for a reason. I guess. Always trying to be happy And i would fool everyone with my fake smile and pretend laugh. It's better to be unhappy alone then with someone else.

But don't worry when i finally forget about you don't you dare to remember me cause I would make you feel like your nothing to this world; and you know im the best at doing that . I don't make mistake i just like them.
You see life is not measured by how many times we fall but how many you get back up. I want your picture to fade away FOREVER!!

I don't want to be a big girl cause big girls dont cry ;'( A lot of pressure on one human being. THIS CANT BE LIFE! I'm trying to learn from my wrongs but its funny how these wrong help me write this blog. I'm gonna touch the sky with out you.

Now i can let these dream killers kill myself esteem- or use my arrogance as a steam to power my dream. Sometimes you have to get to know someone before you realise your really strangers.
Its better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for something you are not".
"Don't play with my heart cause i would show you how it feels to be cut opened :)

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even " TUNE!!

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces"

Tears.

"Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose" Tune!! I've been repeating that song over and over again
Whenever he's gone for so many years...& I think that he's not coming back...he gives me a shock & show me his face...then disappears again...giving me a reason to wait for him again....(it keeps happening to me, its true)

I don't want to cry tears wont fall my eyes. No matter if i break down inside tears wont fall from eyes, don't matter if i feel it inside; tears wont fall from my eyes(8)

LEAVE ME ALONE

You can tell me staright up that you don't like me, you can insult me to the bottom. I really don't give two FUCKS! But the worst thing you can do to someone is give mixed emotion. Fuck that. Making me think and that. Arggggggggggggggg! It's always me. I try to get up in the morning with the biggest smile on my face trying to make people feel happy and comfortable around me but someone or some thing have to bring it back down. I feel to pick up his heart and making it suffer.
But you know what!! EVERYMAN FOR THEMSELVES! I like playing that game and i always wins. No one can destroy me. People hurt other people to make them feel alive. If he likes me soo much why would he walk away like im some kind of dog. People seriously dont know what evil things I can do to people, but don't worry my favourite word " Karma" would catch him.

If I’m such and important person, why do you stutter when i ask you if you know my name?. No one can answer that and i aint waiting for people to answer that question. Just give me one good reason why i should come out of the Closet?? and i dont want to hear this shit that " it would make you feel better". I dont believe in that mann!

A crazy someone said “I tried to cut myself last night to Joy Division with my toothbrush. I was sitting there trying to peel away as many layers of skin as I could but I couldn’t make a serious dent in my arm. I kept doing it for half an hour. My mother actually thought I was brushing my teeth for that long!”. I aint gonna bait out anyone but thats some deep shit man.

I’ve never felt I’ve been valued by anyone. I’m just a waste of space that everyone ignores, like a ghost without a home. :(

So what that i like writing??

Time for a change, Really?? Never knew this day would come. Trying to get closer to God and by doing this I have to love everything. But how can i love everything if i still have this hate in my brain. Well... that's what blogging is for, to let go of all the hate and negativity around me. God asks no man whether he will accept life. This is not the choice, you must take it but the question is how? Sometimes i would never stop loving you, ill just stop showing it. Try to be spontaneous whatever happens; happens. However love is giving someone the power to break your heart but trusting them is your own fault. But i don't display emotions, i have every feeling that everyone else has but I've developed ways to suppress them. Anger is one of the most comfortable feeling anyone can have.

No one can FUCK with my heart cause ill teach you what it's like to be used. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm the best at getting people back. They will be people in your life destroying anything that you have even if it's the last piece you can possibly have but i believe God brings me into deep waters not to drown but to clean our self. I know God will not give me anything i can't handle but sometimes i wish that he didn't trust me so much. Although I'm smile like nothing is wrong; talk like everything is perfect; act like it just a dream and pretend its not hurting me because that's the best way to control yourself. Everyone thinks the best way is to cry in public and let everything out. WRONG! From my experience that's the worst thing that can happen to you. Showing people your weak is not moving forward and become more Innocent, but showing people your weakness. But the hardest thing to do is watch the one you like, like someone else in return. All you have to think about is the person is not worth anything, he would never be worth it and he deserve all the shit that he gets as it's called karma!.

Relationship, Relationship, Relationship?? Arg!! I hate it. The guy may wear pants in the relationship but i control the zipper. :)
All you have to do is be yourself because the people that throw stones are the ones that live in a glass house. Don't bother telling me who my ex is now dating, cause then i feel bad for the bitch who is getting my sloppy seconds ;).
As i was saying to just believe that your the strongest person in the world and you would over come anything that's coming your way .If it means coming back home from dance at 11pm and still have to finish off a essay due the next day, or buying the little things your parents buy for you but don't really bother about you as your the middle child. You see people become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things when they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success. They can hate all you want but you cant break the girl who thinks nothing of you. Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are; piece my piece I've built my walls and burned the bridge down that lead buck to people like you.
Time for a change!

Time To Think About Things.

They say when you know the person is right for you all you have to do is leave them go and they would come back to you. Well that statement can be true because even through the hard times and fun times for some reason i can't get this person off my back.:) But sometimes it just brings people hopes up to much and you wish you have never heard that "quote" before. It's just how life is you don't get what you REALLY REALLY want even if your praying everynight thinking it would come true. You see everything happens for a reason and God knows what his doing to make people stronger every single day. Maybe you need him, I could be him..I could be an accident but im still trying thats more then i can say for him. Everyone just chatting the most rubbish i have ever heard and i always try to live and breathe and not die again. But maybe hate can be a positive emotion when it forces you to better yourself. No one really knows me, NO ONE!! and i say this from the bottom of my heart NO ONE!!. I dont care about half of the shit that's going around me but WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, A FOOL?? Or were you just too blind to see that every effort made has failed and they is no destroying me. I've realised that i like to give people some advise but never use it for myself but i can say this everyone is worrying about the wrong things in life ( and people know what im talking about). " no guy is worth your tears and when you find one that is, he wont make you cry". But hey! i dont know how it's feels to cry over some foolish boy and I've been through some insults that people can't even take. You really don't want to hear it before i make some people cry WINK WINK ( Private Joke).Then today happen. Someone asked me if i missed you... i didnt answer, i just closed my eyes and walked away. Then i whispered "so much". Sometimes we tend to be in despire when the person we love leaves us but the truth is not our loss but theirs for they left the only person who wouldnt give up on them. However someday everything will all make perfecr sense, so for now lets laugh at the confusion, smile through the pain and keep reminding that everything happens for a reason. Don't get me wrong every little thing you like about me you should not thank me but the Lord God above that made me into who i am now. But do you ever wish you hear sirens of an ambulance wake up in the E.r and hear the doctor saying that she aint gonna make it just so you can find out who really cares about you. As life goes on and unless you've lived my life, dont judge me because you don't know, never have and never will know every little thing about me. Maybe people might see this and think im chatting the most strawberry but right now i dont really care what any one thinks because its my life that i live and my blog that i created. But the question is today= Whats the sense of wishing for something when I always just wish it away?

Look At Yourself!!

At the end of the day, the person in the mirror is the person you have to worry about. I know that a lot of people have some deep issue about them selves and does not like what they see in the mirror, if its you have big eyes, big forehead, big nose, big lips etc. But your not alone. " The peoples highest up got the lowest self esteem" Kanye west lyrics are hard. Just know that your in this world for a reason and that's not to prove anything to anyone but yourself and God.

I Have Nothing To Prove To Any Of You = Evidence Will Speak For Itself.

But for some reason people don't believe me. "Everyone who doubted me is asking for forgiveness If you ain’t been a part of it, at least you got to witness it".
Remember that everyone is beautiful in God's image as his the one that took time to make you.

Omg!! L!!

Omg Omg Omg!!! I can't really bait out my business but all i have to say is OMG OMG OMG!!
The Letter L is all im saying. The signs as been everywhere. O Gosh! My Life is fucked mannn!!

I Really Love This

These are the lovely items i need to get. LOVE THEM!!

My Mind!

Well I'm back again, i didn't go for long. Anyway I'm here just bored and thought that i should blog while i get a idea to get me off this situation . Your properly thinking- what situation??, well you don't really have to know that part of the story. As this is blogging I'm just gonna express myself not caring what anyone thinks or say about me. I thought that i can't express myself at home or in school as I'm the "rock" in the relationship so i took out the time to just sit down and write whatever is on my mind (Straight forward). Just think of this as my little daily that no one has to know about ( even doe its posted to everyone). Well where should i start?? How about........... Why do i like him?? Like seriously i try everyday to get him out of my mind but it seems every little thing remind me of him. Arg!! It's starting to get really annoying but cute at the same time. I seriously don't know what to do and what to say. I really need some help. But don't worry Sally would fix it as she fixes everything that happens around her even doe its not her problem. You see everyone looks at me and expects me not to have problems or feelings. So i have to keep to that image because i don't want to look like a "weak" girl. My mum always says i shouldnt cry in front of people as it's a sign of weakness. Sometime i do believe her because i watch some people cry and realise how stupid they look. But sometime you can't hold it in and just feel like picking up a gun and shooting yourself ( but don't worry I ain't that crazy to do such a thing). You see i have never ever ever ever seen my mum cry, she forbid me to cry in front of her. I don't know why but it has affected me in the future. I hardly cry anymore even if one of my family have died or I've been told something horrible. I don't know what's wrong with me even when i try to push out tears it just don't come. People might think that it's a good thing but it really ain't. Having nothing to show of what your thinking is not the right way. Everyday trying to put one of the biggest smile on my face to keep everyone happy. All i know is that when i have a child i would allow them to cry all the time around me and comfort them till they die.
ANYWAY!!!
Let's not go down that road ( don't worry i ain't gonna cry LOLL)
What else is on my mind?? Hm......
Ooh yeah I've been listening to alot of slow songs today and have made me a bit sad :( (don't worry i ain't gonna cry)
But i would leave that for another day. CYA Bloggers!!

Day Out!!

What's Up Bloggers!! Today was alright went out with Luther, Justin, Sarah and some other people. I saw tooo many bait people i was trying to hide from everyone but it was impossible (GOSH!). I didn't even buy anything because of those stupid people wasting my time KMT!. Anyway just got home and jumped on face book. Me and Christina are really talking about songs that we ADORE!! ;). I really need to sing to someone or I'm gonna sing to my brother and he would definately hate that. Anyway I've been shopping and I've seen a lot of trainers that i really like ( YES I SAID TRAINERS- PROBLEM??) They really Hot!!, anyway check it out and give back some feedback.
Arrrggg!! It won't let me upload them so i guess i just have to give you the link. http://www.office.co.uk/womens/nike/blazer_mid_premium_womens/21/4627/13960/1/1

I really Love them and I'm planning to get more.

I Want It!! And I Want It Nowww!!

Omg!! I just saw the coolest and cutiest Ipod alive. Yes ladies it's the newest ipod coming soon. I realllyyyyy reallllyyy want to get it. I think I've done pretty well job with my old one as i have had it since year 9, right?? and i think i deserve to treat myself with this lovely new ipod. I usually get what i want because i pay for half of the shit so i might aswell do it again. It hold up to 30,000 songs ( Bloody hell is they even 30,000 songs out there) as well as 50,000 photos ( How vain can people get) and 300 hours of video( I guess im staying out home). Totally cool right?? That Ipod would be my life and soul if i get it, and guess what?? You can even turn over the concept to filp any direction COOOLLLL!!!.Im not sure how much it cost but i pray it does not cost over £150. I just had to update you guys about my passion Lol!
OOO Yeah im planning to get a laptop as everyone in my house already has one but I really don't know what brand or make i should get. Feedback would be appreciated :).

Im Backkkkk!!!

I'm Back girls!! Did you miss me?? I guess not :). Anyway im just here to talk about what happened today. I can go on for years so im going to cut it short for you. Today at school was alright the normal party at Lewis once again. We'll soon going to get kicked out but i don't really care. I also got invited to be in Delisha GCSE dance exam, im very suprised that she trust me to help her on what grade she can possibly get. Don't worry i wont mess it up for her :). Omg Omg Omg bloggers today going home was too funny. Guess what? What Sally.? Welll... as i was walking home with my normal crips in one hand and drink in the other a mix race boy must of shouted out " choong thing", inbetween my music playing and for some reason i turned around ( Don't ask me why). I didnt answer back as i was sure he wasent talking to me but he kept on calling " choong thing, choong thing" like seriously speak proper english. So i decided to say " who me" and he replied " no the dog behind you". I simply thought it was a joke untill i turned around and actually saw the dog. Embrassing right?? But for some reason i was laughing my ass off and dont ask why im just werid.
Today i was watching that DARREN BROWN show on channel four i simply didn't think it would work for me as i don't believe in that kind of shit but GUESS WHAT! It exactly worked for my brother and im being Totally serious. Well me and sister was trying to pull him up but for some reason it got worse and worse every time we touched him. Scary right?? In conjunction with my mum just sleeping on the chair (Heartless). His alright and still annoying me like hell - i actually wish he stayed in that position :). Anyway more post to come as soon as i get to think of something in my head to talk about. MWAH! (Not really)

New Blogger!!!

New Blogger!!!!! The first time i have ever touch any kind of blogging ( with Grace). I never used to understand it but now im getting the hang of it. Thankz to my English buddy "Jezelle" Love her to bits. As it's my first time blogging i dont really have anything to else but trust me i would come out with things as i love to chat "Strawberrys" about :). I just like to point out that EVERYONE is Gorgeous and when i mean everyone i freaking mean EVERYONE!!!- including the girl that thinks God messed her up. Im just getting used to blogging so im gonna finish here for my first post but dont worry SALLY would be back and ready to chat bananas. :)